“freedom on the other side of forgiveness” were the first words i wrote in my journal the morning of one of the most marking therapy sessions at Mercy. march 7th, 2023.
my counselor’s last words to me before i left her office that day were “become acquainted with freedom”. the hour in between was what felt like a storm had taken place. peaceful… but a storm. i took my place going into the battle, finding myself in the eye of the storm looking directly at my Jesus, but the rain poured, strength spent, tears cried. this cost me something. this cost Him everything. the storm settled, the enemy defeated, the rain stopped, steam still coming off the road, a rainbow in the sky. He keeps his promises. birds singing their song, reminding me i still have mine. oh, do i have mine. my heart is free. the words my counselor spoke ringing off the chains that had been freshly broken and shattered from around my heart… become acquainted with freedom. oh, sweet surrender.
in the middle of my journal quote and her words was an hour of sitting on the floor of her office forgiving the very people i never thought i could forgive.
i had no idea that “forgiveness” was on the “agenda” for the day but the holy spirit knew. he prepared my heart. writing down a “thought” in my journal wasn’t just a thought. it would soon become a reality that would shatter chains that had a hold on my heart that had made it hard to breathe. i hadn’t known that holding onto this was suffocating me. the thought of freedom on the other side of forgiveness would soon become a reality if i only walked in step with the Spirit and the divinely orchestrated leadership, wisdom and spirit-led counsel of my therapist. choosing obedience, choosing to forgive. God would certainly meet us in that room that day.
i had led us in communion to open up our therapy session and the rest isn’t just history. it’s forever part of a story i will tell.
only by the blood of Jesus could any of this be a reality today.
God went before me that day and prepared my heart – gently reminding me that freedom was going to make itself known to my heart in a radical way if i released those people and chose forgiveness. it took every bit of strength within me to choose to forgive but wow, i am so thankful i did.
for years i had wanted those who hurt and abused me to understand the pain that they had caused me. a previous day in counseling i had read my Jesus’ words out loud, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”. as my counselor asked me what that meant, i began to realize that Jesus didn’t need the world to know what they were doing or the pain that they were causing Him in order for forgiveness to flow from His heart. that revelation changed EVERYTHING for me. it truly marked my mind and my heart. i didn’t have to wait for people to understand the pain they caused me in order to forgive them. i could choose freedom and release myself from the prison i was in. now. i didn’t have to wait any longer.
so i made the choice to forgive those who had hurt and abused me. it was purely out of obedience but in the coming weeks, the effects of forgiveness were catching up to me in the most beautiful way. what forgiveness was doing in my life was heavenly and could have only been supernatural. the simple act of obedience was a bridge that allowed the Holy Spirit to move and free my heart and mind in a way that only He could. no amount of “people understanding pain or years lost to X or X” could bring freedom. it would only be Jesus.
i am thankful for the reality of freedom that awaits us on the other side of that simple but wildly courageous act of obedience – choosing to forgive. it’s a choice. it might take every ounce of strength in us and finding someone to be by our side in it with us. but the freedom that is on the other side is beautiful. stunning. heavenly. weighty. full of glory. only by the blood can this be our reality. releasing people who have done us wrong and giving them over to the Lord. continuing to find freedom myself as i trace my hands along the golden thread of the Lord’s constant goodness in my own story. He has always been good. so i can trust Him in this. i can trust Him with my story, with these people, with my life. i can choose to forgive the very people who have hurt and abused me. it’s a choice. it can hurt. but it cost Him everything. and He is worthy of my everything.
again and again, i choose to forgive. it’s not easy and it might strip me of my strength. but my God promises to renew my strength. and i am reminded of the freedom on the other side. i become aware of a heart more free than ever before. things are beginning to shift. i see people in a different light. and i remember my counselor’s words, “become acquainted with freedom”.
annie snyder 